Thursday, June 26, 2008

Missing My Mom

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She would have been 55. She passed away five years ago, just a few days after her 50th birthday. She had suffered many health problems from a genetic disease of the liver (type I Hyperoxaluria).

I've been thinking about her a lot today, and I miss her so much. She was, in all honesty, my best friend. When I needed someone to talk to, she was there to listen. When I was sick, she cared for me like only a mother a can. And when I needed to cry, she held me and let me cry as long and as hard I wanted to.

We also had great times together. She is in most of my best memories. She took us camping for a full week every summer when we were young. As a single mom of four kids (now five, but back then she had four), I don't know how she did it. Taking my two kids camping for one night is a huge production, and I have a husband to help me! Those summer camping days were filled with adventure, laughter, and love.

She made Christmas absolutely magical. She spared no expense when it came to decorating the house. It was so beautiful at Christmastime. The tree went up the day after Thanksgiving, and stayed until New Year's Day. She was meticulous is her method of hanging Christmas lights; whether it was on the window, the mantel, or the roof, the lights were perfectly spaced and in perfect little rows. None of this "wrap a string of lights around the tree and call it good". Oh, no! Each branch had lights carefully wrapped around it from the center to the outer edges, and back to the center again. Her method of wrapping presents was meticulous also. I've never seen anyone wrap gifts as perfectly as she did! Each one was complete with fancy ribbons, bows, and a little gift tag to match the paper. And the amazing part is she enjoyed every minute of it!
She gave me such a wonderful childhood and taught me so much. It breaks my heart to think that she can't be here now that I am a mother. Oh, how she would love my little boys! I think of how much fun she would have with them, and how she would love to watch them grow. She loved children, and especially babies. She had two grandchildren before she died, and she adored them. I know she would adore all nine (soon to be ten!) of them now if she were here. I'm so sad that my kids are missing out on having thier Grandma here. How much fun they would have with her!! But I know that families can be forever, and we will be with her again one day.
Of course, every time I think of her, inevetably I start to feel regret and guilt for not being better to her while she was here. She suffered terribly the last few years of her life, and I wish I had been there more for her. Much of her time was spent in bed, and I was off with friends when I should have been by her side so she wouldn't be alone in her pain. She loved to read, but had trouble with her eyes and was unable to read for long periods. I should have read to her. I should have talked to her. I should have been with her more to comfort her and hold her and love her like she loved me. I'm sorry, Mom.

She was an amazing person. I could go on for hours, but I should probably call it a night. Here are a few photos of my wonderful mother.


Laura said...

Oh Lura! This is a wonderful, bittersweet post. Regret is hard, but I'm pretty sure your mom understood what phase of life you were in and I'm also pretty sure she's aware of you now and knows how much you love her. Really, nice post!

Sunnie said...

Well put Lura. I want you to know that you were a very good daughter and I wish that you wouldn't feel guilty at ALL! Sure there is always more that everyone can do (we arn't perfect after all) but under the circumstances, I think you did very well. You are a great Mother. I know your mom would be proud of you and I agree that she would LOVE your little boys. (Who doesn't?)

Marie said...

Lura this is a wonderful post. I miss Mom too. I was just telling some of my friends about her taking all of us campimg for a whole week as a single mother. Wow! What amazing things she did for us. I also hope you don't feel guilty about not doing more. I forgot her birthday just days before her death, but I'm sure she forgives me, and I know she appreciates all that we did (Hey we were pretty good kids,even as teen-agers) She was a wonderfull mother and I'm glad we have the memories of her to help us along our paths as mothers I love that older picture of her, I don't think I've ever seen it before. I would really like a copy.

Perry's said...

Lura, your mom was such a sweet lady the couple of times I saw her. She had a wonderful name, too:) You were such a great daughter. It must be such a hard thing to go through, but it is such a blessing to know that you will see her again. She would love your boys, but I am sure that she met them before you did, and she is enjoying and taking care of your future kids right now. I love you!

Jamie said...

Good post, Lura. I really miss Mom, too. I know that I feel bad that I wasn't a better son to her. But of course she wasn't a perfect mom and that doesn't stop us from loving her. I'm amazed at everything that she did as a single mom. I wish that our kids could have known her (of course Bailey did). Like you say, we'll be with her again and then we can make up for all of our mistakes.

Nurse Heidi said...

Lura, I hadn't popped over here for a few days, so this is late...but I just wanted to say this is a great post. What a tribute to your mom. I've learned the hard way and so have you to treasure people while you've got them.

Clebher Tex. said...

I got late to see this post here; but i couldn´t leave this opportunity behind to write something here cos she was part of my life, though i never saw her. Few words to say that she´s uncomparable friend i had, and she helped me a lot with my mission and staying firm. Sweet letters i received from her lovely hands, teaching me and guiding softly to the light of the gospel, the holy spirit was always with her. It´s incridible, even my english got better!! :)That is it! i consider her strongly as my american mom!